Grief is a natural, normal response to forever losing someone we love.
Although it can be profoundly painful and life-altering, for many people, the intensity of grief gradually eases over time, which can differ depending on the individual and the circumstances surrounding the loss.
While the individual never forgets who they lost and what their loved one meant to them, they slowly adapt to life and find a ‘new normal’ over time.
Grief that doesn’t go away
For some people, grief does not follow a typical pattern or trajectory.
Months or even years may go by, yet the initial, acute pain of grief remains unbearable and overwhelming, almost as though the loss only happened recently.
Daily life may still feel difficult to manage, and the person may feel stuck in the moment of the loss.
When grief becomes persistent, intense, and begins to interfere with everyday functioning, it may be a sign of complicated grief, also known as prolonged grief disorder, which may indicate the individual could benefit from some form of bereavement support to help them process the loss.
Understanding this type of grief and how it manifests is important because while it can feel incredibly isolating and never-ending, healing is possible with the right guidance and approach.
What complicated grief can feel like
Grief is a deeply personal process, and everyone experiences it differently.
After the loss of a loved one, it’s common to go through a wide range of emotions and physical responses – sometimes for a long time.
However, for some, the pain remains unbearable and unrelenting and may indicate complicated or prolonged grief.
Here are some signs that may indicate you or someone you care about is struggling with complicated grief after the loss of a loved one:
Persistent feelings of being stuck
If you notice that your emotions have not changed or softened over many months, it may be a sign of complicated grief.
This could look like being overwhelmed by sadness, anger, or feeling emotionally numb for a prolonged period of time.
Struggling to manage daily life
In the aftermath of loss, everyday tasks can feel impossible, and this is a normal response that many go through after losing a loved one.
However, if, several months later, you’re still unable to care for yourself, manage daily routines, or return to work, this may signal the need for additional support or some form of grief counselling to help you come to terms with your loss.
Loss of enjoyment or withdrawal
While grief can dull pleasure and make joy seem either impossible or far beyond reach, most people eventually regain the ability to engage with life and experience moments of happiness.
If you find yourself withdrawing from daily activities, avoiding things you once loved, or unable to enjoy anything for a long time, this could be a sign of complicated grief.
Overwhelming and unchanging emotions
Grief can bring many difficult emotions to the surface, but complicated grief is marked by feelings that remain extremely intense and persistent. You might experience:
- Deep guilt or remorse.
- Intense yearning for your loved one.
- Thoughts or feelings that seem stuck in a repetitive loop.
- A sense of hopelessness or loss of meaning.
- Ongoing issues with sleep or rest.
When to seek help
If these experiences sound familiar and persist over time, you may be dealing with complicated grief. Reaching out for support can help you navigate these challenges and begin to find a path forward.
When loss becomes complicated
There is no universal timeline for grief.
Each person processes loss in their own way, influenced by their personality, life circumstances, and the relationship they had with the person who died.
However, complicated grief can develop when the natural process of adapting to loss becomes disrupted in some way.
For instance, if other significant changes occurred at the time of the loss, such as moving home or a separation, or if the person didn’t receive adequate support from those around them, this can disrupt how someone processes their grief.
Instead of gradually integrating the loss into their life, the individual may feel frozen in time, unable to move forward emotionally or even physically.
Some people with complicated grief may experience:
- Persistent and intense longing for the person who died.
- Difficulty accepting the reality of the loss.
- Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected from others.
- Avoiding reminders of their loved one, or feeling unable to stop thinking about them.
- A sense that life has lost its meaning or purpose.
- Difficulty engaging with work, relationships, or daily activities.
While these feelings can appear in other forms of grief, in complicated grief, they tend to persist and remain overwhelming for a prolonged period of time, affecting how the person functions in everyday life.
Why complicated grief can develop
Grief becomes more complex when certain emotional or situational factors are present. For example, the risk of complicated grief can increase if:
- The loss was sudden or traumatic (such as suicide, sudden illness or a serious accident).
- The relationship with a loved one was particularly close or dependent.
- The person experienced multiple losses in a short period.
- There were unresolved conflicts or unfinished conversations.
- The individual already struggles with anxiety, depression, or trauma.
In some cases, people also feel extreme pressure to “move on” too quickly, which can lead them to suppress, bypass or avoid their grief rather than process it, which is integral to healing and moving through the different phases of loss effectively.
Over time, unprocessed grief can remain stuck in the body and nervous system, causing various complications, such as the person feeling frozen back to the time when their loved one first died.
How grief affects the mind and body
Grief doesn’t only affect the mind and emotions. As briefly touched on above, it also affects the nervous system, the body, and how a person experiences the world around them.
Many people living with complicated grief report symptoms such as:
- Persistent anxiety or panic.
- Difficulty sleeping.
- Fatigue or loss of energy.
- Difficulty concentrating.
- Feelings of emptiness, numbness or detachment from the self and others.
The nervous system may remain in a prolonged state of stress or hypervigilance after loss, particularly if the death was sudden or traumatic.
Without the opportunity to safely process these emotions, the body can remain stuck in a state of hypervigilance (fight-or-flight) or in a state of shutdown (freeze).
Unprocessed or stuck emotions often become buried in the unconscious – the deepest part of the brain where memories and sensations are ‘stored’ yet continue to influence behaviours, beliefs and decisions.
Effective grief support works with these parts to bring the unconscious to the surface.
This approach can help the individual recognise and integrate how their grief may affect them and influence their choices, thereby building resilience and empowerment over time.
The link between grief, trauma and mental health
The link between grief, trauma, and mental health challenges is significant, making it crucial to understand how professional help can address these overlapping issues.
Complicated grief often overlaps in tandem with other mental health challenges, including trauma, depression, or anxiety.
For some individuals, unprocessed grief may also lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as withdrawing from others, avoiding reminders of the loss, or using substances like alcohol or drugs to numb emotional pain.
This does not mean the person is weak or incapable of healing or coming to terms with the loss.
It simply means their grief has affected them in unique ways they may not yet recognise, and because of that, they may require additional support to work through their loss.
When grief is approached with understanding, compassion, and professional guidance, individuals can begin to process their emotions in a safe and supportive environment.
How healing is possible at Camino Recovery
Although complicated grief can feel deeply overwhelming and life-changing, recovery is possible.
It’s worth noting here that healing does not mean forgetting the person who died or “moving on” from the loss. Instead, it involves gradually learning how to carry the loss in a way that allows life to continue alongside it.
At Camino Recovery, we understand the unique challenges of grief and how it can impact people in ways they may not yet connect to their loss, such as anxiety, anger, depression, and even substance use.
Our multidisciplinary team of experts offers trauma-informed, holistic care and support tailored to each individual’s needs and circumstances.
Through our integrated approach, we help individuals:
- Process the emotions surrounding their grief.
- Address unresolved trauma or complicated feelings.
- Rebuild a sense of identity and purpose.
- Reconnect with relationships and meaningful activities.
- Develop healthier ways to cope with difficult emotions.
Our therapeutic approaches include individual therapy, trauma treatment (such as EMDR) to help you process the trauma of loss, group support, and holistic wellness activities designed to nurture both the body and mind.
We create a safe, compassionate environment where true healing and integration can begin.
Many people find that while the pain of loss never fully disappears, it changes shape, where instead of the grief getting smaller over time, the person’s capacity to hold both grief and life at the same time increases.
And this is what true healing from loss is really about.
Next steps
Grief is one of the most profound and often challenging human experiences, and no one should feel like they must navigate it alone.
If you or someone you love is struggling with grief that feels overwhelming or unmanageable, Camino Recovery is here to help.
Our compassionate team can support you on your journey to healing from loss, helping you rediscover resilience, well-being, and a renewed sense of meaning and purpose.
Contact our professional team today to learn more about our programmes or for additional help and support.
Helpful resources
1. What are the signs of complicated grief disorder? (Ciara O., Camino Recovery, September 21, 2020)
